With everything going on in the world and all the politicians in the news, it got us thinking… what would they be like if they went travelling? You never know, Angela Merkel might be the type to slap on some UV paint, drink copious amounts of buckets and dance til the sun comes up at Thailand’s Full Moon Party! Can you picture Donald Trump learning how to make paper lanterns in Hoi An? It's hard to believe these world leaders might have once had the same backpacker mentality as the rest of us. Still can’t picture it? Here's how we imagine it! Who knows you might bump into some of this lot taking a holiday (except Trump, that dipshit is more likely on the beach in a golf bunker thankfully).
8. Donald Trump, U.S
We've all met one of these when we've been travelling. That really annoying wanker that thinks he knows it all, he's always got a better version of your own story and thinks everything is one big competition. Loves a name drop but wants to spend most of the time talking about himself. He prefers to stay in hotels rather than hostels which, to be honest, does everyone a favour.
7. Boris Johnson, UK
Moans about fucking everything! The water is too cold, the sun is too hot, there are too many mosquitos, the rooms aren't clean, the journeys are too long, the drinks are too expensive, it's draining! But you put up with it because he is funding the trip with mummy and daddy's credit card. He's a terrible wingman, zero banter and is a really loud snorer. Pretty much turns the entire room against him wherever you go.
6. Emmanuel Macron, France
There's always one dickhead with a guitar, and this fella is it. Fancies himself as a bit of a ladies man but comes off way too cheesy. He loves a story about himself and reckons he's written songs for Ed Sheeran. An absolute tool. Put it this way; you would avoid sitting next to him on a night bus that's for sure.
5. Scott Morrison, Australia
Mr Consistent. Loves an early morning start and will always get stuck in whether that's building the tents or making the potato salad. He's one you can count on in the group to hold onto the whip money or make the decisions for all. Not the greatest on a night out though, usually in bed by 9 pm, even in a mixed dorm. Prefers a day drink while throwing a few shrimp on the barbie.
4. Angela Merkel, Germany
Plans every inch of her day from start to finish. She has a spreadsheet for everything and is very meticulous on what she spends her money on. She would much rather pay for experiences than accommodation so surprisingly doesn't mind roughing it a bit from time to time. Camping is her favourite, hates beaches and not a fan of swimming.
3. Justin Trudeau, Canada
He's that typical hippie guy you meet when travelling. Smokes weed all day, doesn't agree with deodorant, loves the earth and wears clothes that wouldn't look out of place on the homeless. He's always got a good story to tell though and is pretty well travelled. Prefers to sleep in a hammock on the beach rather than pay for a hostel. Loves a drink! Full moon party is his thing followed by Eden getting high on Mushrooms!
2. Vladimir Putin, Russia
Loves the outdoors and thrives on adrenalin. He's like Jason Statham in Crank! It's like he needs to keep his heart rate above a certain level to stay alive. Whether it's bungy jumping or shark diving, he's always doing something adventurous. Also, any opportunity to take his top off he will, considers himself to be a bit of a naturist. Loves a game of battleships to kill some time.
1. Kim Jong-un, North Korea
Fucking loves a night out! I once heard a story that he used the country's top architects to build a replica of Ibiza's Amnesia club in his back garden just so he could rave when he wants (or did I make that up?). Either way, you know that would be the last on the dance floor, in your ear for the shots and chasing those balloons. Problem is, he's proper mean on a hangover and may decide to have you killed if you disagree with his choice of breakfast. Getting a balance with this guy might be tough, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons.
We’ve definitely all met these types of backpackers on our travels, right? Needless to say, we are joking, just in case, someone takes us too seriously. ;-)
For more fun, positive reading, check out our Fucking Good News blog and say goodbye to your newsfeed being constantly filled with the C-word (COVID)!
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